Overcoming the adversities of CHD-3

This week is going to be a LONG and stressful week. I have a quiz in English on the next section, pages 80-132 of Salt to the Sea. I didn’t do as well as I thought I would on the first quiz, which has me feeling a bit anxious. I’ve been listening to and reading along with the book, but tackling 13 questions took over 6 pages just to answer and find supporting evidence. This book is almost all of our grade this marking period, which adds even more pressure on me.

In addition to the English quiz, I have a science test this week. Fortunately, I think that one will be easier because it focuses mainly on formulas, and math is my favorite subject. I really understand it, so I hope I don’t jinx myself! On top of that, I also have a test in Civics. I wish I could say I felt prepared for it, but my teacher gives us a study guide, and yet the tests always look completely different from what he says to study. It’s frustrating to put in the effort and not feel like it’s reflected during the test.

Then, there’s my Agriculture test. Right now, we’re learning about meat from different animals, the cuts of meat, and the production processes involved. My teacher even assigned a research essay that I struggled with. The topic was so broad that my mom helped by looking up articles and printing out a handful for me to use. I was just lost trying to figure out how to “research” on my own, which was really frustrating. To make matters worse, my math teacher usually surprises us with quizzes, so I can’t shake the feeling that my workload will only increase.

As if that’s not enough, I’m also reminded that there are only 25 more grading days left. That doesn’t feel like many at all, and it really heightens my anxiety. I can’t seem to shake this feeling that I’m falling behind.

Reflecting on my experiences, I’ve come to realize that my freshman year is nothing like middle school. It definitely feels more intense. I find I have no time for activities I used to enjoy, like spending time with my horse. After school, I’m busy catching up on homework, and it’s tough not having the teachers at home to ask questions about assignments. This often leads to fights with my parents; when I ask for help, their explanations always sound different from what my teacher said, making it hard for me to connect the dots. It’s a vicious cycle that repeats every night, and I usually end up finishing my work well past 10:30 PM.

Looking back, the start of 5th grade is when my grades began to reflect that, even with my difficulties, I didn’t allow them to hold me back. I applied everything I had, and I managed to stay on the A honor roll throughout my entire time in middle school (5th and 6th grade). There were parts I struggled with, but I had tutoring and the support of my parents, who would spend hours with me at the dining room table. I think that was just the beginning of this path.

Sometimes, I wonder if not having ADHD would make learning easier for me, or if there’s something more to my challenges. My parents have watched me struggle for years—it’s not something that just started. I made it through elementary school, but I look back now and wonder if I should have been held back a grade until I was actually ready. My mom and dad had me undergo a neurological psychological test that included everything from behavior to basic life skills, to learning. I qualified for all the learning resource programs at school, which has helped somewhat, but I still feel behind.

It’s hard to grapple with these thoughts. I’m often told I’m smart, and my parents have always encouraged me that way, but I realize they’re supposed to say things like that to support me. I started to believe this more in fifth grade, which is when I entered middle school here in Arkansas. The adjustment wasn’t hard, as far as I can remember. However, I had more trouble making friends because some people found me a bit awkward. I tend to repeat myself without realizing it, and I know many find that annoying.

Despite these challenges, I have one really good friend that I met in kindergarten. She’s considered my best friend, and even though she’s a grade ahead of me, we still manage to be quirky together. We both understand each other and support one another, which helps me get through these tough times.

This week is sure to test my resilience, but hopefully, I’ll find a way to manage everything while keeping my spirits up.

One of my first baby pictures, just because…