Overcoming the adversities of CHD-3

Today was especially tough for me. I received my grade for the Sports Medicine test, and it was a huge disappointment: I got a 69/100. I had studied hard and focused on important topics like Bloodborne Pathogens and Universal Precautions. I expected to do better and felt prepared, but as I reflected on my performance, I realized I might have overlooked crucial details. The experience made me doubt my abilities and left me feeling down.

Adding to my frustration, I had an English quiz on the first 80 pages of Salt to the Sea. I worked hard to understand the material, listening to those pages repeatedly. I even spent over 12 hours on a worksheet that had 16 questions to complete. The effort was enormous, especially considering that I could use my notes during the quiz. I thought I had a solid grip on the story and should have scored a 100/100, but when the results came in, I only got 85/100. That unexpected lower score was discouraging and made me question my understanding of the book, leaving me unmotivated to continue reading.

Thinking back on my learning journey, I remember being diagnosed with ADHD when I was just 4.5 years old. My concentration issues were so severe that my mom didn’t put me on medication until I was nearly 7.5 years old. Even with medication, focusing can still be a constant struggle for me. I often wonder if my ADHD has prevented me from performing as well as I could in school and making learning more accessible. My mom tells me that I show signs of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), but despite undergoing various tests throughout my childhood, no provider has ever given me that diagnosis. Instead, I’ve received confirmation of overlapping symptoms, which causes confusion.

While researching autism on the CDC website , I found several signs that matched my experiences. For example, it mentioned that many children with autism don’t notice when others are hurt or upset by age 2. While I did sometimes miss subtle emotional cues, I had a caring side. At my Montessori school, I was often called the “little momma.” I loved helping my classmates by getting them band-aids and offering hugs, which showed my ability to care for others despite my challenges.

I didn’t display some common autistic behaviors, like hand-flapping or body rocking. However, I did experience some restricted interests, which sometimes made it hard to connect with my peers. For instance, I focused on specific parts of objects, like the wheels of cars, rather than the whole picture.

As I navigated my education, I often felt different from others, experiencing the world in my unique way. I struggled to keep up in group settings and often didn’t understand social cues, which added to my feelings of isolation. My mom has always reassured me that it’s okay to be different and has encouraged me to embrace my unique qualities rather than see them as weaknesses.

Today, I’m on Vyvanse, which helps improve my focus and concentration, but it’s not a magic solution. Even with medication, I still find some subjects and activities challenging. Some days are better than others, and I’ve learned to be patient with myself. I understand that my journey is ongoing, and self-acceptance is a key part of it.